the 2020 emmys
Hello again!
I really need to stop with these aggressive breaks from the blog. Honestly, it's just like...what has there been to blog about? Literally nothing relevant has happened since my last post (The 2020 Oscars). Well actually, something incredibly significant happened recently in my personal life that I will write a post about soon, so stay tuned for that.
Anyways...the Emmy Awards were on tonight. If you don't know, the Emmy's are the big awards show for TV shows, as the Oscars are to movies and The Golden Globes are to both.
If you didn't tune in, which I feel like most of you and the rest of America didn't, I will do my best to recap this incredibly bleak production.
Since this was done 99% via Zoom, there really isn't much fashion to recap. Jennifer Aniston made an appearance in person and looked so fucking sexy. Like...my jaw hit the floor. Tracee Ellis Ross also made an in-person appearance and she looked amaze, as always. Zendaya was there for a minute and killed it. If anyone else made an appearance, then it wasn't important enough for me to make note of. OH! Jason Bateman is hot. The end.
To set the stage, apparently the week leading up to this was filled with other Emmys content that I simply wasn't aware of. I have a sinking feeling that the general public was not aware of this either. As a result of this, a good chunk of the awards were handed out earlier this week--Eddie Murphy won for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series for his episode of SNL; Cheer won for Outstanding Unstructured Reality Program (sort of an awkward time for that show to be celebrating anything...google Jerry Harris if you're confused); The Last Dance won for Outstanding Documentary or Nonfiction Series; Rick and Morty won for Outstanding Animated Series. I think there's a couple more that I didn't cover, but those are the most exciting, in My Unsolicited Opinion...I promise to never make a self-referential joke like that again.
The program that aired tonight featured only 23 awards--but don't worry! It still lasted a damn-near unbearable three hours!
The show was hosted by ABC's sweetheart, Jimmy Kimmel. Not my favorite Jimmy by any stretch, but given the circumstances he did fine.
Before getting into all the winners and whatnot, I just need to say this. The COVID jokes are not funny anymore. I don't understand why writers are still trying to pull some sort of nuance out of this topic. For the love of god LEAVE IT ALONE. We have all been living this life since March. We get it. The nose swabs on air! The Zoom jokes! The un-groomed facial hair! Haha! Stop. There is not a take that hasn't been explored throughout the past seven months. There is not a stone that has gone unturned. I PROMISE that your quarantine joke is not going to land. There is no better example of this than the painful display that ensued tonight.
Back to regularly scheduled programming--Kimmel's monologue was alright. He did a great job reading what was written for him. Even though what was written for him wasn't great, it wasn't horrible. That's kind of the greatest praise I can give in a time like this.
On to the awards: Schitt's Creek swept the comedy category. SWEPT.
Outstanding Performance by an Actress-Comedy: Catherine O'Hara
Outstanding Performance by an Actor-Comedy: Eugene Levy
Outstanding Writing-Comedy: Dan Levy
Outstanding Directing
Outstanding Performance by a Supporting Actor-Comedy: Dan Levy
Outstanding Performance by a Supporting Actress-Comedy: Annie Murphy
Outstanding Series-Comedy
PHEW. SEVEN AWARDS (plus two that weren't aired). THEY BROKE A RECORD. If you've never seen this show, I get how that might seem like overkill, but this show now has six seasons and this was the first year they won for anything at the Emmy's after being nominated multiple years prior. THIS IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL. Catherine O'Hara won her first Emmy for acting. The unstoppable Canadian father-son duo that is Eugene and Dan Levy was finally recognized. Annie Murphy was finally awarded for her ability to say the word "David" in a way that boosts my serotonin levels more than my Lexapro prescription ever could. I was also going to mention the fact that I've never seen What We Do in the Shadows since it was nominated in a lot of these categories too, but since they didn't win, who cares. WATCH SCHITT'S CREEK.
For the sake of posterity, I have to ask...WHAT is The Kominsky Method and WHO is watching it????????? To blatantly break the promise I made at the beginning of this post, a wise woman (me) once said (in my Golden Globes 2020 post), "I'm confused why we are all just blindly allowing voting bodies of awards shows to front like ANYONE has seen The Kominsky Method." That line was written in January and, unfortunately, I am not any closer to figuring out an answer.
A quick disclaimer, another big winner of the night was Watchmen, which I haven't seen a single second of. I get it. I'll watch it. To this point, I realized that I haven't seen like 90% of what was nominated tonight. Not Unorthodox, not I Know This Much Is True, not Mrs. America, not Better Call Saul, etc. So...if you have a bone to pick then feel free to DM me. Criticism is just about the only thing that makes me horny these days.
I digress.
The award for Outstanding Variety Talk Series went to Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. Why do I feel like it's the same five shows in this category every year and the other four nominees always lose to John Oliver. Again, never watched a full episode of that show, but he seems like a sweet man I think.
Regina King won for Outstanding Performance by an Actress-Limited Series for her work on Watchmen. I'm sure the show is wonderful! I don't have HBO! Sorry! She was also wearing a Breonna Taylor t-shirt <3
Outstanding Performance by an Actor-Limited Series went to Mark Ruffalo (I Know This Much is True) and CAN I JUST SAY...HE IS SO HOT. Also, I have literally never heard a thing about this show and probably won't be watching it. Ruffalo can still get it tho. Preferably in a Hulk costume. I'm not gonna specify who would be wearing the Hulk costume in this sexual fantasy.
Outstanding Writing-Limited Series: Watchmen
Another note: I fucking hate when the awards packages don't include clips of the show, especially for acting awards. This shit was THREE HOURS and y'all couldn't cut out the tired fodder about COVID to make room for 10 second clips of the shows you're highlighting?? I'm SICK!!!
Outstanding Directing-TV Movie: Unorthodox. No clue what this is about but I'm assuming Hasidic Jews? If it is, then I'll make a point to watch it.
Note: Paul Mescal from Normal People is so fucking hot. This point is only amplified by the fact that a song from the Fifty Shades Darker soundtrack was playing while I wrote that.
Outstanding Performance by an Actor-Limited Series: Yahya Abdul-Mateen II (Watchmen). I love black people so much.
David Spade made an appearance in one of the awkward Zoom-produced montages as Joe Exotic and I was reminded how happy I am that the obsession with that show was so short-lived. That time in quarantine literally feel like a fever dream.
The show also did this ?cute? thing where they chose essential workers from around the country to present some of the awards and I just need to ask...were y'all wondering how many of the chosen essential workers are racist or are you normal?
Outstanding Performance by a Supporting Actress-Limited Series: Uzo Aduba (Mrs. America)
Tracy Morgan popped up wearing a Kappa jacket at some point during the presentation of this award and I lost my fucking mind.
Note: apparently this year set a record for the number of black nominees and it's just like...why are we still setting racially-related records in the year 2020? I'm tired.
Anthony Anderson went on a rant before presenting his award and honestly...true! It's too much to explain, but it was about black people, and that should be motivating enough for you to search for it on YouTube.
Outstanding Limited Series: Watchmen
A closing note on Watchmen...I KNOW I HAVEN'T SEEN IT, but apparently it's about the Tulsa Massacre aka the burning of Black Wall Street and it has come to my attention that a concerning number of people in my generation have never heard of this event. PLEASE do your research. Stop being victimized by your less-than-whole education and take matters into your hands!
Heavy on the "wait, they died this year?!?!!?!" during the "In Memoriam" segment. I was also forced to remember the fact that Chadwick is dead. I need this fucking year to end, my god.
As always, the accountants from Ernst & Young looked like they were being held against their will and at this point it's kinda like...blink twice if you're okay?????
Outstanding Competition Program: Ru Paul's Drag Race. Tag urself: I'm the rogue piece of confetti stuck to Ru Paul's bald head during his acceptance speech.
Tyler Perry accepted the Governor's Award, which isn't necessarily a lifetime achievement award...I don't think they have that at the Emmy's, but it's this show's version of that, I think. Here's a genuine question! Am I supposed to give a fuck about Tyler Perry? I will only be accepting answers from black people.
Now, onto the drama awards!
Outstanding Performance by a Lead Actor-Drama: Jeremy Strong (Succession). This is the last time I'll say it. FUCKING WATCH THIS SHOW. This entire category just made me so happy. Jeremy Strong is also just so hot. Don't worry, there's not a Fifty Shades of Grey song playing this time.
THE MOST EXCITING PART OF THE ENTIRE FUCKING NIGHT. OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A LEAD ACTRESS:
Z E N D A Y A (Euphoria, obviously). I AM AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. SHE IS OFFICIALLY THE YOUNGEST EVER RECIPIENT OF THIS AWARD!!!!!! On a slightly more depressing note, and these days there's always a depressing note to be addressed, she and Viola Davis are the only black winners of this award. YA KNOW WHAT, I'M GONNA BE PISSED ABOUT THAT TOMORROW BC I LITERALLY AM SO HAPPY FOR DAYA RN.
Outstanding Writing-Drama: Succession
Outstanding Directing-Drama: Succession
Outstanding Performance by a Supporting Actor-Drama: Billy Porter (Pose). I just love watching this man do anything. However, this forced me to remember that we were all served a shit sandwich due to the lack of Met Gala this year. Luckily, his 'fit from the 2019 Gala was perfect enough that I think I can hold out till 2021.
Note: the longer this telecast persisted, the more I realized it was just an exercise in discomfort as the viewer was forced to watch a bunch of boomers attempt to work Zoom. I wish my jaw was sore from something else and not the perpetual grinding of my teeth while witnessing the aforementioned disaster.
Outstanding Performance by a Supporting Actress-Drama: Julia Garner (Ozark). I only just started watching Ozark but Jesus H. Christ. The last time my heart-rate was that high for a consecutive 60 minutes was probably during intercourse.
Outstanding Drama Series: Succession. GUYS. THE THEME SONG ALONE IS ENOUGH TO WIN THIS AWARD. I AM SO HAPPY.
Alright so that's it for the awards. The whole show was confusing because I feel like all anyone has been doing during quarantine is watching TV, but this entire thing just felt painfully irrelevant. Like I actually think I was one of maybe 100 people watching this, globally. The whole thing was just sort of depressing...it felt like walking into a hospice center.
Regardless, it happened. I think that's probably going to set the precedent for all upcoming awards shows which is, again, depressing. Maybe there was just too much Kimmel for me? I honestly don't know.
Anyway, thank you for reading this 10 minute long venting session. My next post will be a little bit more serious, but I think y'all will enjoy it.
For now, that's all OG wrote.
