the 2021 grammys
What the fuck is up! I haven't posted in like five months which is kind of weird and then it's also kind of weird because my last post was so serious and not at all what this blog is supposed to be about. But then again, when I started this blog I had no idea I was an alcoholic so I guess I'm just rolling with the punches. I typed that while sipping a glass of non-alcoholic wine. Life is fucking weird.
I am elated to be back here and writing about an awards show. This is truly my bread and butter. I literally forgot that awards season was happening which is why I didn't post about or really watch The Golden Globes this year but the lack of blackness represented at that show DURING BLACK HISTORY MONTH (????) wasn't worth my time anyway.
The Grammys happened on Sunday if you weren't aware. That being said, I think the general public was made aware of the show simply due to the photos of Harry Styles and Dua Lipa performing. It's a great day to not be straight.
First and foremost, I was kind of surprised that Trevor Noah was chosen to host this year. Not because he's anything other than delightful—I just never pictured him being one of those people that would actively choose this thankless role. And that's really what hosting an awards show is. It's thankless. I've spoken about this in past posts, but the entire idea of hosting one of these things is just straight up masochistic. People are gonna talk shit about you no matter what--unless you're Amy Poehler and Tiny Fey.
Overall, Trevor did a fine job. There were some jokes that just straight up didn't land, like that hideous 30 seconds after Meg Thee Stallion and Cardi B performed and there was clearly a delay in cutting to commercial so he was just stuck there repeating Cardi B's lyrics back to her for a truly uncomfortable and unnecessary amount of time. Awkward jokes aside, he did his best and I didn't hate it. That's basically the best review I could give any host ever.
I don't know if this is a hot take or if I'm like completely alone in this, but I fucking loved the whole set-up of the show. I love that there wasn't a zoom call of random fans being broadcast—it never works and it's always weird. I liked that it was just artists performing for other artists in a room. I liked that the only people that were there for the actual presenting of the awards were the nominees. It was just cute! And I just absolutely love seeing celebrities interact with each other. There was something so charming about the intimacy of the night and it's honestly the best COVID awards show I've ever seen. THE FACT THAT THIS SHOW DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A VIDEO CONFERENCE IS A FUCKING FEAT!
The night started off with Harry Styles' (is it Styles's or Styles'????) sexy ass performing "Watermelon Sugar" in an all-leather Gucci suit complete with no undershirt and the hottest boa I've ever seen. Choke. Me. With. It. Although "WAP" wasn't performed until much later in the night, you could definitely apply that phrase to what was happening in my pants during his performance. And it was only made better by the fact that all the other musicians in the room were equally as turned on. There was just a communal impending orgasm and it was truly beautiful. Oh, and he's a fucking Grammy Award-winning artist now!
After that, Billie Eilish, HAIM, and Black Pumas performed and it was lovely. Idk if I'm the only one, but I always wonder what musicians look like at other people's concerts. Although this probably wasn't a completely accurate representation of what that looks like (given that none of the musicians present were actively doing cocaine) it still filled me with joy. Also, HAIM killed it.
I hate to rain on my own parade while I'm doling out so many compliments, but the truth of the matter is that this night was forgettable. Like I'm actually struggling to remember entire chunks of the show. So as a disclaimer for the rest of this post, I just need you all to know that I won't be thoroughly reviewing the show because I deadass do not remember 70% of it.
Here's what I do remember:
The night belonged to Megan THEE Stallion. She went home with three Grammys, including Best New Artist and Best Rap Song for "Savage" remix. She put on a stellar performance that showcased so much black talent, I couldn't wipe the giant grin off my face if I tried.
Lil Baby's performance shocked me in the absolute best way. His song "The Bigger Picture", which was released on the day Rayshard Brooks was murdered by Atlanta police, was brought to life through appearances by Kendrick Sampson, Tamika Mallory, and Killer Mike. Lil Baby managed to call out the powers that be without seeming like a puppet that the Grammy's planted in order to seem socially aware. It was absolutely beautiful and SO. BLACK. Together we STAN.
Dua Lipa's performance rocked me to my g-spot. I mean seriously. She's hotter than fuck and SO talented??? Who gave her the right? She picked up the Grammy for Best Pop Vocal Album. I'm lowkey not even a fan of her music so I don't even know if that was deserved, but I am a fan of her abdominal muscles.
Cardi B got up on stage in an outfit weighing literally 18lbs and looked somewhat like a rabies-infected animal while she was dancing? Like I get what she was trying to do and she's just sexy as hell so who really cares but like that outfit was doing her absolutely no justice. Meg came out and they performed WAP—the most iconic part of that performance being when Megan and Cardi were legit scissoring on a giant bed. Unfortunately, we then had to witness the aforementioned Trevor Noah dumpster fire. Imma just keep thinking about the scissoring.
The Grammys gaslit the fuck out of Beyoncé by aggressively mentioning the fact that, with her four wins that night, she became the winningest singer in Grammys history...clearly hoping we would forget that they snubbed Lemonade a couple years ago and have continually overlooked her work in the four big categories for the past decade. I'm not trying to diminish this absolutely astonishing and completely-deserved achievement, I mean 28 Grammys is a big fucking deal, but it was the navel-gazing manner in which the audience was being hounded with reminders of this achievement by the Academy that made me so unbelievably uncomfortable. Like yes, Beyoncé did make history, AS SHE SHOULD! But this entire awards show still failed her. Ever heard of dialectics? Look it up. It was like they were daring Bey to be anything other than ass-kissingly grateful. Academy, I don't know if you're aware, but nobody dares BEYONCÉ GISELLE KNOWLES-CARTER to do ANYTHING! Bend the knee!
Taylor Swift won Album of the Year for the THIRD time. Iconic. And let me just make it perfectly clear that I do not give a FUCK if you're one of those unimaginative weirdos who doesn't like Taylor. folklore was THE album of the year and if you disagree then I actively pity you! You ever stayed up nights crying to "this is me trying"? No, you haven't, and it shows!
Clearly, a ton of other shit happened as this telecast was damn near four hours long, but the only thing I have left to comment on is the hideousness that occurred when Record of the Year was presented. I DO NOT HATE BILLIE EILISH! BUT WHAT THE FUCK! The Recording Academy did an embarrassingly horrible job at pretending like they champion, or even give a fuck about black artists for the duration of this telecast, and STILL. THIS is the project they choose to award the biggest trophy of the night? Bruuuuuhhhhhhh. Egg on their face! Shall we compare the impact of "Savage" to that of "Everything I Wanted" ????? And again, I love Billie, but her literal entire acceptance speech was about how Megan deserved that award—and she did! I am so sick of the Academy putting up a front and gaslighting artists of color. How many years have we heard that they're "committed" to adopting practices to enhance and highlight diversity? Motherfucker how long does this adoption process take? Literally just DO it! We don't need to keep hearing about what you're GOING to do, just fucking do it! Ugh! Please send up a quick prayer for my sponsor who is going to have to hear me rant about this in even more length than I am here.
And to anyone who is confused, it's not as if any award given to a black artist would be undeserved. Black musicians ARE the music industry! I will fight about it!
Anywhoooooo I think that's all I have to say about this here awards show. I'm thinking about doing a post about The Oscars nominations that came out on Tuesday, but we'll see if that ever comes to fruition.
That’s all OG wrote.
